


Hold Me Close Before I Disappear

by robotkeychain



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, Non AU, Post-Lu Han Departure
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-17
Updated: 2016-03-17
Packaged: 2018-05-27 08:08:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6276370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robotkeychain/pseuds/robotkeychain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Minseok hopes that one day, thinking of Lu Han won’t hurt as much as it does now. Post Lu Han’s departure.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hold Me Close Before I Disappear

**Author's Note:**

> This is just me, transferring my works onto my ao3 account~  
> Originally posted March 19, 2015

The cold night air burns Minseok's lungs as he runs another lap around the park, his breath coming out in short puffs and condensing in the air. He stops, leaning against a tree and wiping his sweat with the sweatband around his wrist. Minseok slowly pulls back his hood and lifts his head, closing his eyes. Thunder rumbles in the distance and he sighs. He plugs in his earphones and plays an EXO-M song. Moonlight blasts in Minseok's ears as he walks back to the dorms. Lightning flashes and it starts to pour, raining down harshly. Minseok just shoves his hands into his pockets and hunches his shoulders, shivering. Tears begin to well up in his eyes as he listens to music in a language he still can't understand. By the time Minseok is at the front door of the dorm, he's heaving from his crying and completely soaked.

Junmyeon opens the door for him and ushers him inside, running off to get him dry clothing. Yixing stands ready by the door, as if by routine, and gently takes out Minseok's earbuds, halting slightly when he hears Moonlight playing. Yixing dries off Minseok's iPod with the towel thrown over his shoulder and begins to dry his face. He pulls away a bit to place both of his hands on Minseok's face and say, "It'll be okay, Minseok. And even if it's not, we're all here for you."

"I'm sorry," Minseok whispers quietly when Junmyeon comes back with a pair of jeans and a sweater. Junmyeon shakes his head.

"Don't apologize, hyung. You've done nothing wrong." Junmyeon reaches forward and wipes stray tears from Minseok's face, brushing his wet hair from his face. "Take a warm shower, hang up your wet clothes, and wear these. Don't catch a cold, okay?"

Minseok nods, murmuring, "Thank you."

He steps into the shower, feeling the hot water clash severely with his cold skin, burning him slightly. Minseok ignores how red his skin becomes, rubbing his body raw. He gets out of the shower in a matter of minutes and pulls on the clothes Junmyeon gave him. Before anyone else can talk to him, Minseok locks himself in the room he used to share with Lu Han.

Minseok shuts off the lights and lies down on Lu Han's bed. The room is unnaturally quiet and he yearns for his iPod. The silence unnerves him, usually hearing eleven- no, nine- other voices and footsteps no matter what time it is. He steps over to his door and opens it. Nine others stand in front of his room and Junmyeon's hand is in the air, about to knock of the door. A soft voice to his right speaks up.

"Ge? Are you okay?" Minseok nods and Zitao hugs a pillow closer to his chest. "Well, we were all wondering if you wanted to stay in the living room with us."

"Like a slumber party!" Baekhyun chimes in.

Minseok glances behind him to the empty and cold yet frighteningly inviting room. He shakes his head slightly and steps out into the hallway, shutting the door.

Minseok attempts to smile but it falls the moment most of the members have turned away. He can sense at least one person's gaze on him and he lowers his head, using his hair to cover his face. Minseok glances to his side when he feels a hand resting on the middle of his back in a comforting way, and half expects to see Lu Han beside him. Instead, it's Kyungsoo, and he forces down the disappointment that he shouldn't be feeling.

How could something so beautiful be this painful?

_Running. He runs away from something with a fevered pace and can physically feel himself get tired. His legs strain from all of the exerted energy. His heartbeat thuds loudly in his ears and he can't even remember_ why _he is running, but that he_ has to. _The ground under him begins to disintegrate and a sob escapes as he falls into the abyss under his feet. Someone catches him before he reaches the ground and gently places him on his feet. He immediately hugs his savior, finding solace in the familiar waist and hold of the other. His heartbeat begins to thud loudly again when he can feel the other change. He grows in height and his usual soft features morphs into something sharper, more angular. Minseok drops to his knees and screams._

"Minseok hyung?" Someone vigorously shakes his shoulder and Minseok opens his eyes to the rest of the members staring at him with concern. He unclenches his fist, letting go of someone's shirt. An arm around his waist tightens and Minseok looks up, seeing Chanyeol looking down, hovering over him.

"You dozed off..." Chanyeol starts. "Are you okay?"

"You were crying on Chanyeol hyung's shoulder and we woke you up when you screamed." Jongin explains, edging closer to Minseok.

Minseok takes in a deep breath and lets it out slowly, attempting to calm his racing heart. He puts on a smile he knows all of them can see through. "I'm fine. Don't worry about me."

Minseok abruptly stands up and hurriedly walks to the bathroom. No one follows.

Minseok places both hands on either side of the sink, head lowered and eyes squeezed shut. Memories flash through his mind, memories of Lu Han pulling him close at night, of Lu Han grabbing his hand under the table, of Lu Han pressing kisses onto his mouth when no one was looking. Minseok opens his eyes and takes in a sharp breath, shaking his head. He splashes some water onto his face and steps out of the bathroom. Jongdae stands in the middle of the hallway and immediately opens his arms for a hug. Minseok wraps his arms around Jongdae's waist and burrows his head in his neck.

"You don't have to pretend, hyung," Jongdae says softly. Minseok feels tears prick the corners of his eyes. "We're all hurting. Let us give you a hand to hold onto."

Jongdae pulls away and grins. "Come on, hyung, everyone's worried about you no matter what you try to assure us."

Minseok nods, allowing Jongdae to pull him back into the living room. Everyone glances at the pair as they enter the room but quickly turn back. Sehun is the only one that lets his gaze linger before slowly turning back to Baekhyun. When Minseok makes his way over to the others, Sehun pulls him down and onto his lap. The action startles Minseok but he relaxes into the hold when Sehun bends his neck to rest his forehead on Minseok's shoulder.

It hits him that even though no one had a relationship with Lu Han like his, everyone else was close to him in one way or another. Minseok falls asleep with Sehun absentmindedly playing with his hand and wakes up in the middle of the night when his phone vibrates in his pocket. He's now on the floor with the rest of the members sprawled out throughout the room, sleeping. His phone buzzes again and Minseok pulls it out, squinting at the brightness of the light. When his eyes adjust, his heart stutters and he drops his phone onto the floor.

Displayed on his phone are two text notifications from Lu Han.

Minseok can feel his breath falter and he pulls his legs closer to his chest. Baekhyun, who was sleeping directly in front of the other, raises his head slightly, having been woken up by the soft noises.

"Hyung?" he whispers, his voice thick from sleep and exhaustion.

Minseok can barely breathe properly, let alone speak. All he does is force out a small, "Baek..."

Baekhyun immediately reaches out and touches Minseok's arm. He keeps his hand there as he shifts closer, close enough that their knees are touching. Baekhyun can see the tears clinging to the elder's eyelashes as he takes in sharp, ragged breaths.

"Hyung, breathe." Baekhyun rubs soothing patterns onto Minseok's back. Baekhyun bumps his head slightly on the other's phone and he grabs it as it buzzes for the third time. He glances at the screen and mutters a small curse when he sees who the messages are from. Baekhyun hastily shoves Minseok's phone into his own pocket and turns his attention back to Minseok.

"Deep, calming breaths, hyung. Shut your eyes and think only of your breathing." Baekhyun motions for Minseok to close his eyes and he complies. Baekhyun pulls the other to his chest and can feel Minseok's breaths steady.

"Go to sleep, okay?" Baekhyun presses his lips to Minseok's temple. "I'm going to stay right here if you need me."

The moment Baekhyun can sense that Minseok is asleep, he pulls out his own phone and sends Lu Han a text.

_Never send hyung a message again._

Baekhyun feels the anger inside of him grow at an alarming rate as he pulls Minseok closer to him. He reluctantly places Minseok's phone back into the other's pocket and falls asleep to the steady breathing from the elder.

Minseok wakes up when Baekhyun shifts from beside him. The latter stretches and sits up, awake much earlier than Minseok would expect him to wake up. Baekhyun drapes a stray blanket over Minseok and pats his head twice before standing up and walking to the bathroom. Minseok glances around quickly before pulling out his phone and checking his messages. He falters slightly, but takes in a deep breath and unlocks his phone.

_Lu: How are you? It's been a while right ha...._

_Lu: Will you please meet up with me at that park we used to go to? 10 in the evening, like before._

_Lu: I'm sorry. Please let me talk to you._

Minseok is about to delete the messages when he receives a call. Minseok's eyes widen and he immediately gets up, quickly stepping into his room. He answers the call.

"Yifan?"

"Hey hyung," Yifan replies, and Minseok is hit with a wave of nostalgia. "It's been a while, hasn't it?"

"Yeah," he says softly.

Yifan clears his throat. "Well, there's a reason why I called you." He pauses, as if trying to find the right words to say. "It's about Lu Han."

Minseok nods despite the fact that Yifan can't see him. "I figured."

"Listen, hyung, I really think you should go meet him. You two have a lot of history and-"

Minseok cuts him off with a sharp laugh. "Who are you to tell me if I should talk to Lu Han or not?"

"I just really think you should see him. He's leaving Korea soon and I don't want you to have any regrets."

"What about you, huh? Have you talked to Junmyeon?" There is silence at the other end of the call and Minseok scoffs. "Thought so."

"Lu Han is leaving tomorrow morning." Yifan's tone is clipped and Minseok knows he's struck a nerve but could not care less. An eye for an eye, they say. "Whether you actually go see him or not is really not my concern. I'm just advising you to see him before he leaves Korea for good."

The phone call abruptly ends and Minseok throws his phone onto his bed. He covers his face with his hands.

"Yifan is right," he says aloud to himself. He grabs his phone and sends a confirmative text to Lu Han before he changes his mind.

For the rest of the day, Minseok is jittery and tense. The other members pick up on his mood and mostly leave Minseok to himself, not wanting to set him off by accident. Junmyeon glances at Minseok periodically, and the latter suspects that Junmyeon has figured out what is happening. He mentally thanks the younger for not interfering.

As it gets closer to ten o'clock, Minseok distances himself further from the members. When it is half an hour until ten, Minseok gets up and walks over to the door as discreetly as possible, hoping no one notices him leaving. Unfortunately, someone does.

"Ge, where are you going?" Zitao's question catches the attention of Baekhyun, Jongin, and Kyungsoo. Minseok glances at the four of them and notices how Baekhyun turns his head away from him. He realizes that Baekhyun must have known and apprehension washes through him.

"Minseok hyung is just going for a walk," someone on his left says. The others take that explanation readily and turn back to their card game. Minseok turns and sees Junmyeon standing next to him, a jacket in his hands. Minseok steps forward to allow Junmyeon put the jacket on for him.

"It's okay," Junmyeon murmurs quietly as he straightens the shoulders of the jacket, "it's okay to be scared. It's also okay to change your mind and not go."

Something clicks in Minseok's mind.

"Did you?" Minseok catches one of Junmyeon's hands and turns, staring down at their feet. He glances up and can see tears in Junmyeon's eyes. "Did you decide not to go?"

Junmyeon just smiles and Minseok's heart aches for his leader.

"Don't come back too late, or else the others will get worried."

Minseok pulls Junmyeon into a quick hug. He steps out of the dorm and to the front door. He hesitates before opening the door and walking onto the street.

Minseok arrives at the park a little past the confirmed meeting time. He finds Lu Han sitting on the bench under a pine tree. He faces away from Minseok, the moonlight highlighting his cheekbones and soft, black hair. The elder clenches his fists and takes a step back. He contemplates just leaving and takes another step back. A twig snaps and Minseok flinches as Lu Han's head whips in his direction.

"Minseok?"

Lu Han stands up and Minseok sighs in defeat. Lu Han smiles when Minseok comes into view. The elder steps forward until there is only an arm's length distance between them.

"Why did you want me to meet you?" Minseok bluntly asks. Lu Han's smile drops and he glances down at his feet.

"I just... I needed to see you again."

"Is that all?" Minseok turns to walk away but Lu Han reaches out and grabs his hand. He entwines their fingers and tugs Minseok forward.

"Min, please. Look at me."

Minseok feels all of the frustration and pain he's felt these past days consume his thoughts and he spits out the first thing that comes to mind.

"I hate you."

Lu Han looks taken aback but doesn't let go of Minseok. In fact, he grips the other's hand tighter. Minseok continues.

"I hate you so, so much. I hate you for calling me over here, I hate you for leaving me, I hate you for giving me these _stupid_ feelings that I want to erase, I hate you because I still want to kiss you despite what you've done and..."

Minseok trails off, biting his lip and glancing up. Lu Han's hand rests on Minseok's hip and shuffles forward until their shoes touch. Minseok gasps softly, leaning up toward Lu Han as the latter bends down. They pause when they're mere millimeters away from one another. Lu Han's hand trails up to the side of Minseok's face, brushing a thumb along the other's cheekbone.

"I'm so sorry."

Minseok closes the distance between them. A sense of relief surges through him as he feels those familiar lips on his. He kisses Lu Han for what seems like forever and his eyes begin to water when he realizes how much he's missed this. They pull away slowly and Minseok forces back the tears about to fall. He feels those certain three words bubble out from his throat and he blurts out, "Lu Han, I-"

"Don't." Lu Han interrupts. "If you say it I'll want to stay more than I already do."

"You could, though," Minseok says softly, his voice terribly hopeful, "You could stay."

Lu Han shakes his head and Minseok is unable to hold back his tears any longer. "You know I can't."

Minseok sobs, pressing his face to Lu Han's chest. Lu Han runs his fingers through Minseok's hair and tears start to fall from his eyes.

"Minseok, I want you to know that I-" Lu Han halts, knowing that he shouldn't say those fated three words, "I feel the same way about you, maybe even more. When all of this is over, maybe- maybe we can try again."

Minseok holds Lu Han closer in response. "Can we stay like this just a little longer?"

Minseok ends up walking back to the dorm by himself with a heavy heart. Baekhyun opens the door for him and gives him a quick once over before ushering him inside. Minseok turns and pulls the younger into a quick hug before letting go with a small smile.

"What was that for?" Baekhyun asks, helping Minseok out of his jacket.

"Thank you for looking out for me, before. It was really sweet of you." Minseok reaches up and ruffles the other's hair. "People really do not give you enough credit."

Baekhyun hides his grin with a smirk. "I am great, aren't I?"

Minseok laughs lightly and pushes him away. Zitao walks over and latches onto Minseok's arm, pulling slightly.

"Ge, you have to help me. You're a better poker player than me and Sehun convinced me to bet _Candy_. You have to help me win her back!"

Minseok stares at Zitao in disbelief but agrees to help nonetheless. He's dragged to the dinner table covered in random accessories, money, and pieces of paper. Sehun sits on one end between Chanyeol and Kyungsoo with an evil glint in his eye. Junmyeon and Jongin sit off to the side, matching amused expressions on their faces. Yixing shuffles the cards in his hands expertly and Baekhyun takes his seat next to Jongdae. Zitao pulls Minseok down into the seat beside his.

Minseok catches Junmyeon's eye from across the room and gives him a reassuring smile. Junmyeon nods slightly and turns away, smiling at a joke Jongin whispered into his ear.

Minseok sits back in his chair, glancing around at the chaos he calls his family, and feels something warm and calming fill him. It takes a couple of moments, but Minseok finally identifies the feeling as love and security and hides his smile behind a hand.


End file.
